00:02
One meeting leads to two loves, / and three trembling hearts played a gentle melody.
One meeting led to two loves, / and three trembling hearts played a gentle melody.
- If tense agreement is what you're after then maybe consider changing the first line instead of the second line.  I dunno.

00:10
Kasuga Kyousuke, 14 years old, living my youth.
Kasuga Kyousuke, 15 years old. / Living my youth.
- "juu go sai" = 15
- I would split this to 2 lines, perhaps.

02:34
Phew, so hot.  So how about 100 steps?
Phew, so hot. / So how about 100 steps?
- Split this line.  Way too much of a gap between the two sentences here.

03:48
But...I'm sure I counted them correctly.
But I'm sure I counted them correctly.
- I would argue against an ellipsis here.

03:57
Oh, did I?  Maybe you counted wrong.
Oh, did I?  Maybe {\i1}you{\i0} counted wrong.
- Italics FTW

04:12
Let's compromise, 99.5 steps.
Fine, let's compromise.  99.5 steps.

04:49
Keep it, it's a present!  It looks good on you!
Keep it, it's a present! / It looks good on you!
- Split

08:43
Why for art thou Ushiko-san?
Wherefore art thou Ushiko-san?
- The original saying uses "wherefore" and not "why for", I thought

08:45
Why for art thou Umao-san?
Wherefore art thou Umao-san?

09:33
That's what I believe.  Kasuga Kyousuke, 14 years old.
That's what I believe.  Kasuga Kyousuke, 15 years old.
- 14 -> 15

12:51
You are interested in this, aren't you?
You're interested in this, aren't you?
- You are -> You're

12:54
Well, er...
Well...
- Shorter.

13:44
And that building is the high school and the one next is the college.
And that building is the high school, and the one next to it is the college.
- next is -> next to it is
- comma after "high school"

13:48
Essentially, the elevator method.
Essentially, the elevator system.
- I think that's how I'd phrase it at least...  And btw, this needs a note.

14:46
Sure, but...
- It's "un, demo".  Pull the lead-in back.

14:49
Ayukawa?
- Lead-in is late

14:51
I told you to stay away from her.
- Lead-in is late

15:39
Clean?  Clean up the river bank, she says!
Clean? / Clean up the river bank, she says!
- Split this mother

16:58
No more playing around...
No more playing around.
- Ellipsis is hard to justify here.


18:32
So, you're "Madoka the pick."
So, you're Madoka the pick.
- Name's already been introduced once, you can drop the quots now.


25:13
Long ago, someone said that trouble lays hidden around the corner.
Long ago, someone said that trouble lies hidden around the corner.